Loss and Innocence

Last week I got a computer virus. I don't know how it got in - who knows - but it masqueraded as my security system for my laptop. It disabled my firewall, my updates, and my anti-virus protection, and it tried to persuade me to go to its site and pay for new software. It mimicked the Microsoft site very well, and the only way I recognized it was because of a small spelling mistake. I was the frizzy-haired girl with crooked teeth who excelled at spelling bees. You can guess how popular that made me!
I digress.
The other thing that happened - the thing I can hardly think about, let alone talk about or analyze - is that I heard about a good friend whose son's favorite teacher was arrested for pedophile acts.
He went in, disabled the firewall, and the virus protection, and took advantage of his student's innocence to fulfill his twisted needs. The children that were better educated about boundaries resisted his approaches, but all of them were propositioned: this blog is not about how we need to teach our children (we do). It's about how trust can be horrifically betrayed.
The most important thing I have been told about this type of situation is that when it happens, no matter how much the parent would like to believe that the child will forget about it, it is very important that it is dealt with immediately, by talking, understanding, affirming the damage done, and learning about prevention.

The same goes for a traumatic birth experience. When a woman has trusted her doctor, and listened to his or her assurances that she or he is supportive of natural birth, and then gets to the hospital in labor and realizes that she made the wrong choice, and then pays dearly for that choice, it is important for her to have a place to go where she can heal, where she can talk honestly about what happened. It may not be right away, and usually isn't, because she is, after all, a new mother and usually she is experiencing a baby-moon phase. But it will come up, and it is often the doula or midwife who is present for her next pregnancy and birth experience who will be the person she can trust to be non-judgmental and will help her to get to a place of forgiveness and love. Where we can get the healing done.


  1. Wow. Everyone needs healing in so many ways; some more than others I suppose. Sometimes it can be hard to put things in perspective at first when they happen. And some things we may never understand in this lifetime why they happened. But there are always reasons.


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