Last week I got a computer virus. I don't know how it got in - who knows - but it masqueraded as my security system for my laptop. It disabled my firewall, my updates, and my anti-virus protection, and it tried to persuade me to go to its site and pay for new software. It mimicked the Microsoft site very well, and the only way I recognized it was because of a small spelling mistake. I was the frizzy-haired girl with crooked teeth who excelled at spelling bees. You can guess how popular that made me!
The other thing that happened - the thing I can hardly think about, let alone talk about or analyze - is that I heard about a good friend whose son's favorite teacher was arrested for pedophile acts.
He went in, disabled the firewall, and the virus protection, and took advantage of his student's innocence to fulfill his twisted needs. The children that were better educated about boundaries resisted his approaches, but all of them were propositioned: this blog is not about how we need to teach our children (we do). It's about how trust can be horrifically betrayed.
The most important thing I have been told about this type of situation is that when it happens, no matter how much the parent would like to believe that the child will forget about it, it is very important that it is dealt with immediately, by talking, understanding, affirming the damage done, and learning about prevention.
The same goes for a traumatic birth experience. When a woman has trusted her doctor, and listened to his or her assurances that she or he is supportive of natural birth, and then gets to the hospital in labor and realizes that she made the wrong choice, and then pays dearly for that choice, it is important for her to have a place to go where she can heal, where she can talk honestly about what happened. It may not be right away, and usually isn't, because she is, after all, a new mother and usually she is experiencing a baby-moon phase. But it will come up, and it is often the doula or midwife who is present for her next pregnancy and birth experience who will be the person she can trust to be non-judgmental and will help her to get to a place of forgiveness and love. Where we can get the healing done.
I have an assortment of interesting classes, workshops and get-togethers happening at my cafe over the next few months. Here's...
birth doula love doula training natural birth doulas midwife The Birth Conspiracy doula course refugees Italy babies Montreal birth companions Lunigiana midwives Bali Greece c-section MBC Doula School birth attendant book breastfeeding Africa cesarean section change gentle birth gratitude illegal midwives death epidural Rivka Cymbalist Syria VBAC birth abuse doula training Montreal fear and birth healing hospital midwifery mothers running volunteer Curioso Books Montreal doula course Montreal doula training Tuscany apprentices birthing community midwifery education mother and child normal birth writing Birth Conspiracy Egypt abusive maternity care baby big babies birth and death birth and fear birth attendants birth blues birth stories experts fear homebirth induction epidemic joy labor meconium peace radical doulas respect woman's power workshops Aleppo Canada Festa della Donna alphabet birth keepers birth process blessings burnout cafe call for doulas calm camps compassion faith friends happiness heart herbs home birth hormones independent publishing justice life marathon meditation menopause mother radical retreat se non ora quando storytelling wisdom CaffedellaPace God St John's Wort abuse acceptance aging ask the doula aspiring midwives bad luck balance barter beauty belief belonging birth books birth dance birth rape birthing herbs births body cement feminism half marathon home death mindfulness race racing radical birth yoga